March 2018 is when I found out that I was pregnant for the first time. I was excited and scared at the same time, this was something so new and nothing that I had ever experienced before so the unknown was a little scary. We had a honeymoon planned to go to Italy two months from when we found out. There were so many exciting things all happening at once and it all felt too good to be true. 7.5 weeks into my pregnancy I was standing in my room folding clothes and something didn’t feel right so I ran to the bathroom. My worst nightmare, I was bleeding. What did this mean? I called my best friend because I remember she had bleeding in the early stages of her pregnancy as well. After talking to her and googling (Don’t google, it scares you more) I decided just to lay down and take it easy if it continues then I will go to the hospital. The next morning it was still the same so I called my doctors office and they told me that I would have to go to emergency. My mom came with me and my fears were confirmed with an ultrasound, there was no heartbeat and my baby didn’t survive. How could this happen? They gave me the option of allowing everything to clear out naturally or I could have a D&C (Dilation & Curettage). With my trip now only two weeks away I didn’t want to have this happening while I am in another country. I decided to go with the D&C, I can’t even describe to you what this was like, it was so painful and so emotionally draining. After having that I didn’t know if I ever wanted to try and get pregnant again, I couldn’t imagine going through that for a second time. Being over in Italy I had a lot of time to reflect on life and what I truly wanted, I truly wanted to be a mom. I gave myself some time to heal from all of it and Sept 2018 I found out that I was pregnant again. When I passed that 7.5-week mark I felt a sigh of relief that this time it was going to work. One week later I began to bleed like I did with the first one, all I could think was this can’t be happening again. I got in the car and drove myself to the ER where I sat and waited for hours not knowing if the same thing was happening or not. Finally, I was seen and an ultrasound confirmed again that I had lost my baby. If any of you reading this has gone through miscarriages you know the gut and heart-wrenching pain you endure. When you are pregnant you feel complete and never alone knowing that you are growing a baby inside of you and as soon as you experience a miscarriage that feeling immediately leaves you and you feel such emptiness. I was faced with the option again of letting it naturally take its course or having a D&C, there was no way I was putting myself through that again so I decided naturally after the Doctor also assuring me that it would only take a couple of days. Well, those days turned into 6 long weeks of being reminded every day that my baby was no longer with me.
In February 2019, I took a test and got a positive result. As you can imagine I was so scared at this point to be happy. Was this going to be a repeat of the other two times? It’s so hard to not think about the past in a situation like this.
7.5 weeks went by, 8.5 weeks went by and when I was 14 weeks pregnant I was in a major car accident. A young guy driving in the opposing lane on the highway came headfirst into my lane. I literally had a split second to think and swerved my car into oncoming traffic. As this car is coming at me all I could think in that second was, I’m going to die there is no way I can survive this. I hit his car and blacked out for a moment. When I came to I was in the middle of the highway, my car was smoking and my little 6-pound dog was literally screaming. I thought to myself holy f&^k how did I survive that? my next thought was to get out of the car. I got out of the car and checked my dog over to make sure she was ok, I stood in the middle of the highway with blood dripping from my hands and I looked up to god and said: “I have made it this far, please don’t take my baby from me now.” I will spare the other details as its something that you never want to see or experience. The young guy that caused the accident, unfortunately, didn’t survive. I was rushed to the hospital where I was taken such good care of, I honestly can’t say enough about the nurses and doctor that took care of me. As they continue to ask me questions I told them that I just needed to know that my baby was ok. They wheeled in an ultrasound machine and the 2 seconds that it took to find the little guy was the longest two seconds of my life. He survived and was bouncing around in my belly. Within 3 hours of being there, I was released with nothing but bruises, cuts and lots of sore muscles (and lots of chiro in the future) I was honestly touched by an angel that day. I went on to have the most amazing pregnancy and gave birth to a very healthy baby boy. He truly is my rainbow baby.
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