Do I or Don’t I?

Ok, so this is a question that has been plaguing my mind since I met my Fiancé. My hubby to be has an amazing little one who has completely stolen my heart. He fills a void that I didn’t even know needed to be filled. I guess you could say that he and his daddy complete me.

In the back of my mind I always question whether or not I want to have one of my own. I’m not getting any younger which makes the decision even more burdening as I am going to have to figure it out in the next year. Most of my close friends have kids and I see how hard it can be not to mention how life changing it is. I honestly admire people who can say YES I do want kids or NO I absolutely don’t want kids. There are many pros and cons to having a child and of course for me it’s always the cons that are pointed out and weigh on my mind. Right now I am able to do pretty much anything that I want and I love that about my life but then on the other hand I know that I would also embrace sharing it or giving it up for a little mini me.

I have had this talk with my better half (wait who are we kidding, I’m his better half) numerous times and I know that he is content with the way that our life is right now but that he would hands down have another one. He has been through it and he knows and understands how much work it is, where as I wouldn’t be able to completely understand until it happened. My best friend has told me that you can prepare yourself as much as you want for what you think it’s going to be like but nothing can prepare you for when it actually happens.

I just don’t want to wake up one day and regret never experiencing a child of my own. I am sure that I am not the only one out there that is struggling with this same scenario and wonders do I or don’t I?

KIM xo

2 thoughts on “Do I or Don’t I?

  1. Hi, Kimmie! I found your blog through the Olsen theme board, actually, and this post really resonated with me. I don’t think I have any answers, but at least you’ll know that someone else has been there!

    I had a child at 32, and by the time I thought I could handle another one (when my son was 6), neither my husband nor my OBGYN (due to my age and complications) thought it was a good idea. My husband felt that we had arrived at a point where, like you said, we were able to do pretty much whatever we wanted. He really did not want to “start over,” as he put it. By that time, I’d decided I really wanted two, so that my son could have a sibling to grow up with, so I really struggled with not having another. It was hard not to (undeservedly) resent my husband for not wanting another one, and it took a lot of years to get over my grief about the whole thing.

    I’m reconciled to the decision now. I had not wanted my son to be an only child because I didn’t want him to be alone when he was older, but he has really good friends and really close cousins (and there’s no guarantee that he and his hypothetical sibling would even like each other!).

    Best of luck with this. I guarantee you that your little family of three will bring you joy enough, and if you have a fourth family member, he or she will bring their own joy!


    1. Thank you so much for sending me this note. I am so glad that people are able to relate to my posts. My goal is to be as real as I can in such a challenging world.
      All the best to you!

      Liked by 1 person

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